“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” –Shakespeare, Hamlet
Recently, I listened to an interview where Lewis Howes talks with Chris Lee. It resonated with me because some of the things he discussed are things that I’ve practiced and taught before.
To overcome stress in your life, Chris says to do the following:
1. Access and practice neutrality
Put on a neutral perspective. See things as neither bad nor good but just as they are. Instead of seeing something as good or bad, see it as something that just is. A cancer diagnosis, a big job promotion, etc are things that just are. We are the ones that give meaning to it. He emphasizes that neutrality doesn’t mean being indifferent to things.
2. Identify your triggers
What are the things that trigger your stress? Make a list of your triggers. His triggers include, 1) Being taken advantage of, 2) Feeling that he’s not getting back what he’s investing in a relationship, etc. These two happen to be mine as well as many more.
3. Replace triggers with something that is more life-giving
I’ve taught this before as the replacement principle. When you become stressed, using an affirmation like “I’m a very patient and calm person” or “I’m the king of neutral” will help you to regain perspective. My favorite affirmation is, “Life is good.” If you mention that phrase at my job site, my colleagues to talk about me. In certain seasons of my life, I’ve said that phrase at least 20 times a day at work as I see patients.
4. Heal your triggers
Don’t just replace your triggers, start healing them through meditation, journaling, and having a neutral accountability buddy.
5. Identify reactions in other people
Being aware of reactions in other people will help you learn not to do what they are doing but instead show them grace through their reactions. This will enable you not to judge them as well.
Accessing neutrality and practicing it takes time and practice. Don’t judge yourself when you fall off the bandwagon.
Action step
For the next one week, set a goal to practice neutrality every day. In the morning, decide the kind of environment you want to create. In the evening, reflect on how you did throughout the day. What did you do right, what did you do wrong? Identify your triggers.
Watch the interview.
